What non-parents 'unlike' about parents

There are lots of annoying people on Facebook.

There's the 'friend' who checks-in everywhere they go (including the toilet), the 'friend' who takes a photo of every meal they eat (and the empty plate afterwards) and the 'friend' who counts down to every event in their life ("35 days till Bali/my next dentist appointment").

But according to many non-parents, us parents are also on the 'most annoying' list.

That's right - you, me and the pictures of our cute kids and all of our delightfully funny stories.

I roped some non-parental friends in to help me with this blog about the most annoying parents on Facebook.

Be warned – you may see yourself in some of their answers. I know I did.

The parent who has a picture of their child as their profile picture

Ah yes. Pictures of your kids or an ultrasound photo as your Facebook profile picture. This came up with almost all of the non-mummies and non-daddies I spoke with.

"Hang on? When did my best friend revert to wearing pigtails and a school uniform?, a childless girlfriend of mine said.

"Friends like this make me fear their Facebook profile has become a metaphor for their post-baby life: it had been usurped by their child."

Word on the non-parental street is that it's your profile picture, so by definition it's supposed to be a picture of you. Apparently it can be arty or serious or even a selfie, but sorry to the super-proud daddy – the baby in the headband with the oversized flower on top ain't gonna cut it.

Oops! In 2008, this was my profile pic for a bit.

And I had this one a couple of years later.

The mum-to-be who use a pregnancy tracking app

Pregnancies are long. Usually, there's about 28 weeks from the time you announce you're up the duff to the actual due date.

So that means there's more than six months to count down with your Facebook friends or as I found out, clog up their news feed with the news your baby has grown a centimetre.

And apps such as My Pregnancy, Countdown My Pregnancy, and BirthWatch Pregnancy Facts can help expectant parents to do this.

A not-a-mum-yet friend said: "Sorry, but I don't care that last week your foetus was the size of a small apple this week they're a slightly bigger apple."

She's right about one thing – there's a lot of comparing babies to fruit when you're pregnant.

The parents who write status updates about number ones and twos, and sometimes threes

I wasn't surprised at all to hear about this one from most of the non-parents I spoke to.

"Facebook posts about anyone or anything eliminating waste = not cool. Ever. And if it comes with a photo, that's an instant 'unfriend'."

Harsh words from one of my childless chums?

Actually, I'll back the non-daddy guy who said this because I know what it's like to be caught mid-sandwich on the computer only to read about a nappy blowout in graphic detail.

I understand that toilet training is a really big deal. It was probably the most challenging thing I'd experienced as a parent with my first son. And I wrote about the trials of doing it a second time. And I didn't mention the 'p-word' once.

The parent who wants you to vote for their kid in a baby beauty competition

Every baby is beautiful. Even the ones that kind of aren't.

But almost every parent thinks their kid is the cutest and could be a pint-sized model.

A Mr Never-Wants-to-Be-a-Dad said to me: "I dread the yearly Bonds baby competition because my news feed becomes filled with pleas to vote for friends' sons or daughters, or even their neighbour's sister's kid. It's not gonna happen."

Honourable mentions 

  • Parents who retell conversations with their toddler – usually something gets lost in the retelling and our non-parent buddies don't get it.
  • Parents who ask for medical advice from friends – "call the doctor, call Heath Direct or something" begged a non-Mama.
  • Those who brag about their kids all the time.
  • Parents-to-be who start a Facebook page for their unborn child.

Is there something you'd like to add to this story? Leave us a comment.

    The story What non-parents 'unlike' about parents first appeared on Essential Baby.

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