Finding romance ain't what it used to be. As any singleton will tell you, meeting someone IRL – that's In Real Life – is, like, so 2010.
From Tinder to RSVP, lonely hearts across the country are finding ever more innovative ways to discover the Romeo to their Juliet, the Kim to their Kanye.
Now newly elected Palmer United Party senator Jacqui Lambie has taken the trend to a new level by using talkback radio to search for a potential suitor – preferably one "well-hung" and loaded with cash.
Here's how it went down. Lambie was appearing on Hobart's Heart 107.3 breakfast show with Kim and Dave.
The chat started predictably enough. Should Tom Jones sing at the AFL grand final? Should there be a weekday public holiday when Anzac Day falls on a Saturday?
So far, so PG.
Then Kim asked Lambie about her bikini line and it was full steam ahead on the Oversharing Express.
"Right now the state I'm in, you'd want to bring out that whipper snipper first," replied Lambie. "It's a very scary area to talk about this morning."
It's the stuff one could only dream of: an Apple Isle senator waxing lyrical about her map of Tasmania on live radio.
Suddenly, the Prime Minister winking at a radio talkback call from a sex line worker seemed utterly banal.
And then it got better.
Lambie – a mother-of-two who says she has been single for 11 years – outlined what she's looking for in a man.
"They must have heaps of cash and they've got to have a package between their legs," she said.
"They don't even need to speak."
Then Jamie, a 22-year-old listener, rang in to say he'd be happy to go out with the 43-year-old.
So was Lambie willing to be a cougar – as well as a pup?
After establishing that Jamie had inherited a "small fortune" and had experience with older women, Lambie inquired: "You don't have any diseases do you?"
No, Jamie assured her, before adding that he is "hung like a donkey".
Lambie wasn't convinced.
"I've got a 24-year-old son and he says that as well," she said, before reluctantly agreeing to go on a breakfast date.
"I can see my 24-year-old son now, he'd be cringing by now."
By mid afternoon, after Lambie's interview had gone viral, she released a statement saying: ''I apologise to any radio listeners who may be offended by my comments on Kim and Dave's show.
''Of course my political enemies will make a big deal out of my comments, but the reality is I was talking with Kim and Dave on Heart FM - not Sarah Ferguson on the ABC.
''I also told Kim and Dave about the $3000 a year that the Palmer United Senate team saved average Australian families at the last sitting of Parliament, but of course those comments didn't receive nationwide coverage – go figure!''
It's probably of little comfort now. But Lambie can rest assured: she's not the first person, and won't be the last, to walk away from a blind date with feelings of regret.
