A handful of the "new girls" made it through the last rose ceremony, much to the dismay of the "originals", who were worried they would be cast aside like yesterday's playthings.
Amber was hungry for some one-on-one time and gussied up a little more for this episode in the hope that Blake (aka the producers) would throw a date card her way.
"I think Blake would have already seen she's a pain in the arse, high maintenance, I don't think that's what he's looking for in a life partner," Laurina said, clearly oblivious to the fact that she just described herself.
Chantal got the date and soon found herself shuffled into the back seat of a car which contained a bunch of flowers and (presumably) a chauffeur – but no Bachelor Blake.
She arrived at a swanky hotel to find a dress, diamond earrings and a command from Blake to meet him in the downstairs bar in an hour.
Clearly, the dude doesn't understand women. Before her was a hot bubble bath with rose petals, bottles of sparkling wine and a princess dress. In her place, I'd have jumped in the tub, ordered a cheesecake from room service and built a pillow fort wearing the princess dress.
Instead, sensible Chantal played ball and displayed enviable time management skills. Hair, makeup, dress, diamonds and voila, instant knockout.
The flustered interior designer came face to face with "the babe of all babes" downstairs, where he produced the heart keychain Chantal gave him in the first episode.
"Bringing it out on our first date was really special," she said.
The keychain, people, she was talking about the keychain.
The conversation soon reached scary stalker territory, with baby names and honeymoon destinations discussed before dessert.
Speaking of the dessert, Chantal said the rose shaped creation was "some legit Masterchef material", before she actually lifted her head to see Adriano Zumbo. Now THAT'S how you do network cross promotion.
One bite into the fancy dessert and Blake asked Chantal to "go for a walk" (Leaving the dessert there? He REALLY doesn't understand women) which turned into a slow dance and pash fest.
The "smitten kitten" was given a rose for giving up first base, though the girls back at the house weren't all that stressed.
"So, I'm not the only girl who has earned some diamonds. Chantal looked beautiful but they're not 62 diamonds," Zoe quipped.
The group date saw all of the new girls meet up at Luna Park, along with Amber, Kara, Laurina and Jessica.
Jessica again had the other girls riled up by "stealing" Blake at every opportunity, but Laurina managed to sneak in a spot next to the bachelor on a thrill ride after new girl Anastasia wimped out.
"I think if Jessica was able to get her butt out of the cart she would have done the same, but she's a little fuller and probably wasn't able to wiggle out," Laurina said.
Kara stole a moment inside a caged Ferris Wheel thing, had a whinge and was placated with a rose.
To spice things up and win some one-on-one time with Blake, the girls perched on a revolving slanted platform.
After she sneaked her bum into prime position, Jessica was the last one to fall off and so was rewarded with some alone time on the carousel. A sneaky kiss between the two was witnessed by the others, who then proceeded to freak out.
Amber seemed content to call her a "cling on leech" behind her back, but Laurina felt personally slighted.
"I have told Jessica and the other girls that if he was to kiss anybody on a group date that I was on that I would bow out," Laurina said.
"So, whether she did that on purpose to do that to me, I actually don't know what to think."
While many self-respecting women may have chosen to make a quick and graceful exit at this point, may I remind you this is The Bachelor we're talking about.
Back at the house, Laurina called out Jessica on her "inconsiderate behaviour".
"I have travelled to 15 different countries over seven years of my life and I have never endured such alienating behaviour. I was appalled," she said.
Uh huh.
Then it was Blake's turn to cop a serve. He admitted he kissed Jessica, but turned on the charm offensive and convinced Laurina to stay with some smooth lines and puppy dog eyes.
"You're one of the few people I have a real connection with. I could have been with you caught up in that moment," he told Laurina.
"If you and I had met outside of this we would be dating."
Laurina meekly accepted the rose she was given at the ceremony, while new girl Anastasia was shown the door.
Before the series went to air, I interviewed the dashing Perth-based bachelor. At the time, he joked that I should let him know if any of the girls weren't quite right.
Mate, it might be the smoke and mirrors of television, but at the moment I'm more inclined to warn those ladies about you.
But in this case, you have to hate the game and not the player.
