When it's wild weather out there, saying you're sorry might sound superfluous. But, it can elevate your social standing and make you more trustworthy.
True story.
Apologies are often considered a weakness and people withhold apologies, even when they're in the wrong, in an attempt to hold power.
But, in a twist of logic, apologising, even when you're not in the wrong can have surprising social benefits.
Clearly, the wiley ways of the weather are not your fault, but an apology is not always about accepting blame.
John Howard, take note.
Instead, when the weather is rubbish, a flight delay messes with someone's plans or something else happens that you're not responsible for, saying you're sorry is a way of expressing empathy.
Harvard researchers call these 'superfluous apologies': expressions of regret for an undesirable circumstance that is clearly outside of your control.
In a new article for Fast Company social psychologist, Heidi Halvorson writes about the top three ways to gain other people's trust.
One of these, she explains, is empathy.
"Superfluous apologies are a simple and powerful way to express that you have taken that person's perspective, understand his or her experience, and wish that things had turned out better," Halvorson says.
"And it produces tangible increases in trust - so much, in fact, that people who receive superfluous apologies become much more willing to part with one of their most precious possessions: their mobile phones."
She is referring to the Harvard researchers' findings in one of a series of experiments they conducted, testing the idea.
In that particular experiment, they had a young adult male approach 65 strangers in a train station on rainy days and ask to borrow their mobile phone.
Half the time, he included the superfluous apology "I'm so sorry about the rain!" before asking, "Can I borrow your mobile phone?"
When he included the superfluous apology, people were far more likely to lend him their phone because his apology garnered trust.
Add to this, a separate study which found those willing to apologise at work, even when it is not their fault, are perceived to have greater character, more personal integrity, and more positive intentions toward others.
The Harvard researchers found there were no drawbacks to saying sorry, although they acknowledged that superfluous delivery of the superfluous apology might backfire and seem insincere.
Essentially, we should be willing to acknowledge when others have been inconvenienced or hurt and say sorry, but we shouldn't scattergun apologies constantly.
"Research has conceptualised apologies as expressions of remorse by culpable individuals to repair relationships and restore lost trust. We challenge this paradigm," the Harvard researchers concluded.
"Across our studies, we identify significant benefits to apologising. Superfluous apologies represent a powerful and easy-to-use tool for social influence.
"Even in the absence of culpability, individuals can increase trust and liking by saying 'I'm sorry' - even if they are merely 'sorry' about the rain."
According to research psychologist Denise Cummins, if you have trouble apologising, remind yourself of these two things:
1. Apologising doesn't mean admitting inferiority, unworthiness, or weakness. It doesn't mean grovelling or debasing yourself. People who demand that of you aren't asking for an apology. They are asking for submission, and that is quite a different thing.
2. An apology first and foremost communicates a simple message that affirms your humanity and that of the injured party: "I see and I care".
