Sue Neville accepted her cancer, endured the treatment and stared down the prospect of imminent death, but she could not cope with the sympathy of friends.
Diagnosed with throat cancer at 50, Mrs Neville withdrew into her personal fortress, with husband Stephen standing gatekeeper.
"It was Stephen and me and our kids," Mrs Neville said.
"My brother and sister would ring me which I could handle but I really couldn't cope with anyone else."
It was not that they did not care. Shortly before treatment began, she "caved" into entreaties from two close friends and allowed them to visit, only to send them away.
"I had no protection from the grief of others, and they were just devastated," she said. "Just seeing their grief was more than I could cope with."
The emotional support of partners is critical to how patients cope with cancer, and studies indicate that members of a couple each influence each other in the way they react to the illness.
Often the partners are more distressed by a diagnosis of cancer than the person who is ill, which in turn affects the patient's ability to adjust.
But few programs target couples.
Not-for-profit medical research organisation the Ingham Institute is trialling a resource called "Coping Together", which targets couples as a unit with information on relaxation, coping strategies and what questions to ask.
Project manager Janelle Levesque said cancer patients were generally given good information about their condition and its tests and treatment, but less on the emotional aspect of their diagnosis.
"Because cancer is a disease that affects older people, it's not going to be the first challenge couples have dealt with," Dr Levesque said
"A lot of them have coping strategies that they've used to deal with past crises but they had forgotten about them or weren't using them in the current context."
Stephen Neville, who is the optimist in the marriage, was floored by the initial diagnosis but quickly swung behind his wife.
"I remember my legs giving way under me and just having the wind knocked out of me," Mr Neville said.
"She was very stoic. I suspect deep down she was very concerned about it but the face she presented to me was it's bad luck but we will do what we have to do."
He managed the household and the couple's children who were all in their late teens, which to Mrs Neville was more reassuring than sitting with her during her radiation.
That, he could not manage.
"Stephen and I work well because I know what he can handle and he knows what I can handle," she said.
Mrs Neville has been in remission for five years.
