What the gossip magazines say

TOM hasn't seen Suri for 60 days. Tom needs to see Suri. Tom quits Scientology. Is it to see Suri? In a world where people differ on almost every topic from religion to politics to whether Coca-Cola is better than Pepsi, it's refreshing to read about at least one topic on which the glossy magazines can agree: that it is vitally important we continue to know absolutely everything about the life and times of Tom Cruise. ''He's had a brutal three months,'' Who reports. ''The toughest part has been his separation from [daughter] Suri Cruise.'' He hasn't seen her, Who adds, since August 1, when the pair went swimming at Disney World. ''He's pining for Suri,'' Woman's Day confirms, then casually adds that Tom has been pining in the company of ''attractive mystery women'' while ''enjoying nights out at London's A-list hangouts''. And the women, NW guesses, might not be Scientologists. ''He's distanced himself from those in the church and has been hanging out with good friends who aren't part of the religion.'' Oooh! Now things are getting interesting! Has the cock crowed for Cruise? Will he deny his science-fiction-writing saviour L. Ron Hubbard?

Even more interesting, is it macrame or decoupage that his ex, Katie Holmes, is turning to in her time of despair? In her ''exclusive'' first interview, Holmes tells New Idea (actually she told Women's Wear Daily, but NI is invoking its right to requote her) she's coping with the stress of divorce by throwing herself into craft projects. Sadly however, not all of them are successful. ''I think, 'Oh, I'm a great mum' and then it doesn't really pan out the way I think it's going to,'' she reveals. Hopefully, the paparazzi will soon capture Suri in a three-armed jumper, or Holmes wearing shoes made of old tissue boxes. One thing is certain: no matter what happens, we will be told. And this is a good thing because the other celebs are really letting the team down by behaving reasonably well lately. It's been a remarkably scandal-free week, with Simone Warne's split from her toy boy Toby Roberts appearing in New Idea (''I still don't really know why this happened,'' she reveals), and Modern Family's Sofia Vergara's bum-flashing wardrobe malfunction (''Yes!!!! This happened!'' Vergara says) being the highlights. There's also a grubby little piece about Kanye West and a sex tape in NW, and a truly heartbreaking report on the rise of botox among Aussie tradies in New Idea. But who cares? Poor Tom's pining.

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