What the gossip mags say

BATTEN down the hatches, Famous has news that's about to send a nation of Twihards into meltdown - Robert Pattinson has confirmed he and Kristen Stewart are moving to Australia. Well sort of. Rob hasn't actually confirmed it, but ''insiders reveal Rob and Kristen are considering a move to Australia''. Insiders? It must be true! And even if it's not, the story has one of the most blindingly obvious lines in the history of print, when they claim R-Patz is apparently eyeing off houses in the palindromic Adelaide suburb of Glenelg. ''The famous pair could stay in an expansive [sic] home for a fraction of the price of a mansion in the Hollywood Hills,'' they explain. Adelaide's cheaper than Hollywood? You think? At least if they move they'll have fun neighbours. Fellow Adelaidean Lleyton Hewitt is apparently on notice from wife Bec Hewitt that she wants him to quit and focus on her dream of having enough children to stage their own version of The Sound Of Music. Or something like that. ''Being the content mother of a large brood of kids has been Bec's dream from childhood,'' Woman's Day says. ''Bec is hurting so much''. She probably won't want to hear about Nicole ''Our Nic'' Kidman then, who is apparently about to add another child to her family with Keith Urban via a ''gestational surrogate''. ''The time is approaching for another big announcement,'' says New Idea, via a ''fact surrogate'', aka a ''Nashville source close to the couple''. Once again there's no actual confirmation, just that the editor can feel it in her waters - Nic's clucky. Probably. It's all a bit confusing, but nowhere near as much as trying to keep up with the latest from TomKat watch. The glossies are still at DefCon2, reporting every scrap of rumour from the world of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes no matter how beautifully conflicting they are. According to Grazia, Katie's accepted Tom's apology and is ready to take him back. Not so says Famous, which insists Katie's actually already pregnant to her new boyfriend Jeremy Strong and is moving in with him. Woman's Day weighs in with (alleged) details from the divorce papers which say Tom can be thrown in jail ''if he doesn't toe the line'', whatever that means and Grazia chimes back in with news it's all moot anyway because Tom's now an item with Cameron Diaz. Clearly we're no closer to letting this one go just yet, but fingers crossed they get back together, but in a polygamous group marriage with Strong and Diaz and all move to Glenelg with the StewPatts. It's cheaper than Hollywood after all.

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