It's a hard truth when you realise that someone you love isn't perfect. That he or she is actually deeply flawed.
It happens in relationships all the time, usually after the glorious honeymoon period where absolutely everything your new partner says or does is perfect and charming and hilarious. And then you realise they agree with Andrew Bolt, or they support Collingwood, or they just chew their food really loudly.
Far from perfect. This is a hard truth you'll be forced to face at some point, to concede that this amazing person doesn't, in fact, tick every single box.
And so it goes for travellers, with countries, with destinations. Sometimes, you have to face some hard truths. You have to acknowledge that this place you've fallen in love with has some serious flaws.
For me, the most obvious of those is Iran. I truly love Iran as a tourism destination, something that would be blindingly obvious to regular readers of this column. It's probably the friendliest place I've ever been, a country whose citizens show genuine warmth towards strangers, who make you realise just how shallow the mainstream view of Iran as our enemy really is.
And yet, there's something wrong here. "Why are people fleeing Iran?" I sometimes get asked when I rave on about what a great place it is. "Why are there refugees who'd rather be locked up on Manus Island than return to their homes?"
That's a hard truth. Iran is far from perfect. Friendly it may be, to me at least, but its record on human rights is extremely questionable. Religious minorities continue to be persecuted there. Women are forced by law to dress in a way that's determined by religious leaders; they're banned from attending sporting events. Journalists and social media activists are routinely arrested and imprisoned. Executions for drug-related offences have risen sharply in recent years.
Those facts are difficult to gel with the experience I had there: the overwhelming generosity, the desire by the people I met to be seen as sophisticated by visitors and the rest of the world. A government doesn't necessarily represent the will of an entire people, but it certainly stands for some of them.
And you can find these problematic distinctions in many of the countries around the world that are loved or admired by travellers.
Myanmar, the new darling of the adventure travel set, is officially open to travellers now thanks to the work and blessing of Ang San Suu Kyi – however, according to Human Rights Watch the Burmese leader's government is responsible for continuing war crimes in the north of the country; systematic human rights violations against the Rohingya people occur unabated.
You'd never know that, of course, from your brief visit to Yangon and Mandalay, or your cruise down the Mekong, and it would be very easy to pretend it wasn't real. But it is.
Same goes for China, with its "Great Firewall", among other things, restricting the freedom of its people. Or Indonesia, with its political prisoners in Papua, or the Philippines, home of President Rodrigo Duterte's roving "death squads". How do you match that up with the beauty of China, or the fun of Bali, or the relaxed vibe of the Filipino islands?
In a black and white world these contradictions would not exist. You could easily put countries into boxes marked "bad" and "good". You could say to people, don't go here; do go here.
But the world isn't like that. It's full of grey areas; it's riven with nuance.
It's OK to say that you love visiting Iran, and yet at the same time acknowledge that much of what goes on there, at least as far as the people in power over the country goes, is highly questionable. You can separate the friendly citizens you met from those in government who might like to do you harm.
In the same way, you can acknowledge the shortcomings of Ang San Suu Kyi and her new government, you can recognise the serious issues that continue in Myanmar, and yet temper that with the experience of the people you've met and the things you've seen.
That's the beauty of travel. It allows you to see nuance, to discover the shades of grey that you'll never find simply by reading a magazine or staring at some pictures.
It gives you the chance to take these hard truths about the places you love and decide whether you can accept them. It allows you to draw your own line.
The world isn't perfect. No country is perfect, regardless of how much you love it. And that's the truth.
b.groundwater@fairfaxmedia.com.au
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